One day everything just comes crashing down and you realize you're not following your dreams, you're not loving life, you're feeling like you have no positive impact on the world. You've tried so hard for so long to make everyone happy that you don't know who YOU are anymore?
I once had, what some would call, an eating disorder. I stopped eating...I thought I was not thin enough. I thought that was what the world wanted. I thought that was what my most recent ex wanted. It wasn't. It didn't really matter to him, it didn't matter to anyone.
No one really noticed when I just got a bag of chips at lunch and only ate three or four. No one noticed at after school practices, in class. My mom and dad mentioned I wasn't eating as much but they didn't know I wasn't eating at all.
I hid it because I was ashamed. I was ashamed of what people would think of me, I was ashamed at my reasoning that maybe if I did this, he'd take me back. I was ashamed that I actually thought that it might make me better. One day in the bathroom at school, I passed out from hunger. I quickly recovered, ate a granola bar and went back to class. I was losing weight, my clothes were loose fitting, still no one said anything.
It got to the point one night that I sitting in my room crying my eyes out, thinking that no one would care if I were there or not anymore. I cried out to God to give me an answer and when I opened my eyes, I looked in the mirror and realized I didn't recognize the person that was looking back at me. I knew at that moment, I needed to change or else I would never be able to crawl out of this hole again.
The next day, I got an actual lunch and a couple of my friends told me they were glad to see me eating again. They did notice. They just didn't say anything. I talked to them later on and they said they didn't know how to ask me about it without making it worse or making me mad.
If you have noticed this behavior in a friend, talk to them. You never know when someone's life could change in an instant. Maybe they just needed that one conversation, maybe they need more than that. If someone would have said something to me, maybe it wouldn't have gotten as bad as it did.
We'll never know. I'm much happier with myself now, and I'm glad that I could share this story with you guys. If any of you have ever struggled with body issues, know that you are not alone. You can talk to me, there will be no judgement. If you need someone to talk to, my inbox is always open.
I hope just by these few words, I was able to help someone talk to someone they think might need it, or help someone who needs it, ask for help. Don't just sit there and drown, save yourself. You are more than worth it. I believe in you. You are loved. You WILL be missed. Someone loves you, just take some time to love yourself and that will become clear.
I love you guys. I hope you have a wonderful day and I'll see you tomorrow
Thanks for sharing this about yourself. You are brave for sharing. I do hope this will help someone that is struggling with a eating disorder. When I was in High School one year I did the same thing and barely ate. I to started passing out and my Mom took me to the Doctor, they ran test and when everything came back fine I had to admit I wasn't eating. The sad thing was I really wasn't over weight, I was thin for my height but that wasn't what I saw when I looked in the mirror. Thanks again for sharing. Aunt Melissa
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